When You Take Sex Out of the Equation

Talking with a friend over the weekend has me thinking about something.

Have you ever tried to pull sex completely out of the equation and figure out what’s left?


In a relationship:

If you are dating someone and you pull sex completely out of the equation… I mean, completely out, not waiting to have it, not a temporary hiatus, not a distance issue… just no sex (for whatever reason). What’s left? Is it friendship? Is it something more? What do you talk about? What do you do together? What do the relationship goals become?

Within yourself:

When you look at your life, at your personality, at your daily interactions with other people and you remove sex from those things… is there anything of value left? Is there anything interesting left? Do you have useful contributions to make to conversations, debates? Are you intellectually stimulating?

It seems upon first thought to be a simple question. We all want to be deeper than just our cocks and kitties and the mindfucks that make them function so beautifully. But, are we? If you strip away the sexual imagery, the sexual words and innuendos, the sexy flirty and suggestive behaviors. What are you left with? How do you communicate? How do you share your life?

The truth which lies in the answers to these questions, scares me to death.


The comments on this post really get the wheels turning. Delving deeper into this thought… the reason I find myself thinking so much about this is that I’ve always been a very sexual / sensual being. I’ve always been the wild child in my group of friends… not necessarily the wild child in the sense that I’ll jump out of airplanes or play Russian roulette with you, but in the way that I almost always have the most outlandish sex stories, the places, the people, the acts. For as long as I can remember my life has seemingly revolved around sex. I didn’t have to be very smart, I didn’t have to be worldly, didn’t need to know much about current events… history… art… etc… sex garnered me all the attention I could ever want all through junior high and high school. Then, for a lot of years my life became all about being a mommy. As my kids are getting bigger and I find myself much older and in the company of adults more and more often, many of whom do not have children, I often feel very one dimensional and that leaves me to wonder if I should have read more (variety and quantity), kept up with current events more, studied something, did some things, took some classes, learned some stuff…

Sex, kink, my kids…. if it’s not about one of those three things, I don’t ever seem to have much to say, for some reason that really bothers me.

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