Everywhere I turn in the lifestyle, I hear about subspace. So much is said about submissives and bottoms sinking into subspace, and being under the hand of their Dominant. Yet, with all the talk it is still difficult to explain what subspace is or how it happens.
It is one of the most intriguing pieces of the D/s lifestyle puzzle to me. I think it interests me so much because there is no formula for it. What sinks one submissive into subspace bliss might send another into pure panic.
In the beginning of hearing about subspace and sinking, I thought that getting there would require the just-so scene, just-so environment, just-so partners. I thought everything had to be perfect, just-so. I thought I had to work on my frame of mind, prepare myself to let go. It seemed so hard to reach, impossibly difficult to achieve.
What I have found in the last couple of years as Daddy and I and our friends explore this lifestyle is that once we found what sinks me, it is actually pretty easy for me to find myself floating under Daddy’s hands.
Some subs find their subspace through a conduit of pain, every sharp slap, every hard pinch, every rough touch sinking them lower and lower. Others find release of themselves through protocol and control, or the giving up of control. They sink with every command, every obedience, each word of praise releases a little piece of who they are. Humiliation works for some. With every degradation and every insulting remark their submissive hearts sighs wantonly and they slip a little further beneath the hand of the one they serve.
For me, personally, it’s a mix of things that will trigger the beginning of the slip. Once I find myself on the slope, I let go and let myself slide into Him until I am floating, until I am no longer mom, no longer wife, no longer business woman, best friend, church secretary. I am whatever He wants me to be in that moment.
It is not the pain that brings me to that place. For a long time I thought it was but then just this past weekend, I realized (quite by accident) that it is not the pain but instead, the confident control that makes me all quivery, that pulls from my depths the slumbering submissive.
This past weekend Daddy and I were out with a very rowdy crowd of friends at a very rowdy paint party at a local club. We were dancing. He was behind me. He slipped his hand up and around my throat (I felt a little tingle run through me) and then he squeezed. I felt myself immediately become pliable. The crowd faded, the noise dissipated. I closed my eyes and felt my muscles relax as he continued to apply pressure, felt myself melt into him. He released my neck and the entire room and all the noise and the lights and the people came screaming back into focus. As I caught my breath and tried to focus, he wrapped my hair in his fist and applied pressure to my throat again. My eyes fluttered closed as the rest of the world slipped away again. All I could feel was him against my back and his hands holding me forcefully. I felt my knees weaken and a slip of a finger between my legs would surely have found me slick, wet and ready to cum.
With just the application of pressure on my throat and his hand tangled in my hair, I felt myself begin to slip, to sink. It didn’t matter that there were a couple hundred people around us, that we were in the middle of public place on the dance floor. Without a word, without one painful sensation, I was bent to his will…
I know that words when used effectively have this same affect on me. I have a definite weakness for words especially when there is calm confidence behind the words, an inarguable authority. There are times when the simplest of statements uttered by a strong, commanding Dominant will send a delicious shiver through all of my most sensitive places.
A good fight would do it too I think (not an argument or relationship fight, but a rebellious, defiant submissive bucking her Dominant and Him wresting with that defiance). I watched some friends of ours at a play party once and she (the submissive) put up an excellent fight and He (the dominant) stood toe to toe with her and through the struggle brought her under his control. He didn’t let her win. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them; it was the hottest thing I’ve maybe ever seen.
Being played at a public event with an audience is the same. Being an exhibitionist (albeit, a shy one) I get off on knowing I am being watched and that helps me to disengage from the housewife, mommy me and slip into the bratty princess baby pain slut me, to slide into my dark desires head on. Add any sort of restraints, breath play and sharing of me with others and I’m left a quivering submissive mess.
I can be brought to subspace with pain but it is a lot trickier and harder to accomplish. It takes a long time and sometimes it’s just plain, down right not enjoyable to me and I can’t take very much. But, when done right, and I am brought down first, I not only enjoy the pain, but I can cum from the spanking or pinching and I can take a lot more of it.
Certain things make sinking almost impossible for me. Fast, sharp, or unexpected pain just pisses me off and puts up my walls. Distractions like the TV or distracting music make it harder as well. Humiliation, either done to me or watching it done to others is another show stopper for me.
What sinks you? What makes it hard for you to sink? Did it take you long to have your first subspace experience? Do you get to subspace often in your play?