I’ve been in the lifestyle for a little over four years now. I’ve known for a little over four years what a safeword is and I’ve had one for just as long. I like the red, yellow, green safeword code. I’ve only ever safeworded out of one scene and I’ve used yellow less than a handful of times. This might make some more experienced players nervous that I don’t know when to use my safeword or that I intentionally push myself harder than I safely should.
Just over the past few months, my ability to scene with other people besides Daddy has increased and so my safeword and the use of it has been the topic of many thoughts and several discussions.
You may be concerned about whether or not I know when to use my safeword or even that I will be willing to do so.
I promise you, I will. I am a stubborn girl. We all know this. But…
To my Daddy and to Z and to anyone else who might end up the top to my bottom somewhere down the road, I make this promise…
I promise to use my safeword as long as you promise that when I do, you will make a mental note of where my mindset is and where your mindset is and the energy that is flowing between us in that moment. Promise that you will learn where that stopping point is and then promise to stop just a hairsbreadth short of it the next time. Promise to bring me to the very edge but also promise that you’ll stop just before the safeword slips past my lips. Promise that I won’t have to safeword out of the same situations over and over… promise that you are watching… you are listening… you are paying attention… you are learning and adjusting… promise that my needs, my limits, my boundaries matter to you and in the same breath promise that, even while they matter to you, you will push those boundaries, that you will help me to expand my limits and re-define my needs.
I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise to make my suffering visually pleasing to you, that I won’t have to hide my hurt from you in the fear that you will stop too soon because of it. I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise to let you see the agony in my eyes, to allow you to watch the pain register on my face… I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise that I will cry for you, if I can KNOW that my tears make you want to squeeze harder as you lick them from my cheeks… if I can not have to worry that my tears will paralyze you and bring to a stop the moment we are both lost in.
I promise to use my safeword if you promise to trust me to do so… if you promise not to stop until I say the safeword… if you promise to relish the visual my suffering provides instead of being afraid of it.
I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise to verbalize the anguish you make me feel without fear that my cries and exclamations of distress will make you stop. I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise that I deeply desire that the sounds of my suffering become the lullaby that soothes you to sleep at night and haunts your delightfully sadistic dreams.
I promise to use my safeword if you promise to trust me too… if you promise to take the groans, the grunts, the moanings of misery for what they are, symbols of the gift I am trying to give you, the gift of my endurance… and not a request for you to stop.
I promise to use my safeword if I can also promise to suffer beautifully for you… if you promise to absorb that suffering, to breathe it deep inside of you, to pull it from me and hold it tightly in the darkest parts of your soul. I promise to suffer for you, endure for you if you promise to demand that I do. If you promise to push me physically and verbally, if you promise to ask for it, I promise to endure it… to yield eagerly to those demands.
In the twisted way that people like us like things, I like endurance and pain (along with lots and lots of other things that happen in our play). I don’t like endurance just for the sake of endurance or pain just for the sake of hurting. But, if my suffering turns you on, if my endurance of the pain you subject me too makes your cock hard and your soul fly… then I will endure for you. I will suffer for as long as I possibly can. I will force myself to find a way to deal with the pain. I will breathe through it, I will mentally distribute the pain from the point of your contact and out throughout my entire being. I will visualize the pain as a river of warmth and comfort as it flows over me. Whatever it takes to take what you are dishing out for as long as I can, I will do that thing. I promise you that I will use my safeword when the pain overwhelms me.
I hate using my safeword. I hate the feeling of weakness it gives me. I hate giving in and I hate giving up, but I will as long as you are learning from it and I can find myself having to use it less and less often in our play. I will use it, if doing so teaches you how to push me harder… if it teaches you where my boundaries are so you can push on them harder but more safely.
That is my safeword promise.