Over the course of the last three or four months, my marriage has been evolving at an almost startling pace. In particular, it’s been very surreal this past month or so. In that very short period of time, my husband of almost 14 years, figured out and came to terms with the fact that he could have strong enough feelings for another woman to consider that he might be in love with her. We talked and talked and talked and talked some more to get our heads around that. With that realization came another… if he could fall / be in love with someone else without it affecting his love and affection for me, then he had to believe that I was capable of doing the same. After that realization, I was given a mess of new freedoms, everything from talking with whoever I wanted to online to being able to start actively seeking a local playmate and getting back on twitter.
We started swinging again (we have yet to find new playmates, but there are some very sexy prospects) and have even attended the local swing club. Definitely looking forward to doing more of that *insert Austin Powers voice here* ohhhh yeahhhh baby… 😉
We opened the door to our marriage a little further than we ever have before. We decided on a dynamic and distribution of bandwidth that we thought would work for us.
We entered into our first real poly relationship and when I say entered, what I really mean is… jumped in with all six feet into the deepest waters of the poly pool where we continue to flounder and learn how to swim these new waters without drowning anyone. We also opened the door to the possibility of going on dates / spending time with our external partners… without each other.
These are giant steps for a couple who has been splashing around in the baby section of the shallow end of the open pool for a few years now.
It’s a lot to digest. A lot to wrap our heads and our hearts around.
In the last couple of weeks I have done some things that make me shake my head in disbelief that this is my life, but I’m shaking my head with a smile on my lips and a giggle. Last Wednesday, I suggested Daddy and our pretty girl get a hotel room so that they could spend some alone time together after she was gone for several days and they had to deal with some emotional upheaval that happened while she was gone. I also spent a good portion of that week helping him work through some very new emotions he was dealing with in regards to that emotional upheaval. As the week wore on, my libido took a strange nosedive and vanished. So several times over the course of that week, the two of them spent time alone in our bedroom. Daddy went, for the first time, to his playmate’s house and visited her there alone. We visited our first local swingers club and actually played a little. So many changes. So many new things to experience.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve begun to feel much safer talking to him about my dreams and my fantasies… the things I desire, crave, want… the things I’ve kept to myself the last few years. I’ve actually been able to tell him about the people I’m connecting with, whether they are friends or potential partners or just people I find myself with a little crush on. It’s fun to be able to talk to him about these things again. He’s my best friend, my partner in crime… my very favorite troublemaker and I love being able to share this sexy, fun side of life with him.
We lead a crazy life. We have crazy conversations. We have wild stories. When we say there is never a dull moment… you can take that thought to the bank. There truly never is and that is the way we like it. It’s not easy, but that’s ok… we’re tough, we don’t give up on each other and we talk every damn thing to absolute death and it works for us.
This is my crazy life, it is where I thrive, where I most love to be in the whole world. I wouldn’t have it any other way.