My family, on my mom’s side, is all about NOT being fat. I’m 38 and my grandmother still comments on my size from time to time… A lot of my natural body build comes from my dad’s side of my genetics where most all of the women are short and plump with big boobs, wide hips, round asses and soft bellies. I am no exception to this. Add carrying and giving birth to four babies to the mix and TADA! here I am.
Could I go to the gym and take shots and eat super careful and get myself to my ideal weight (size 10, 150 lbs) I probably could, though I haven’t had any luck with accomplishing that so far and I’ve been trying (off and on) for about 18 years.
The thing about me is that in my head I’m already there. When I picture myself, I am pretty fucking hot. When I go clothes shopping or see myself in photos, the image I see in my mind of how I will look in those clothes and truth of how I ACTUALLY look in them definitely conflict. So I’ve had to come to terms with the truth of my body without sacrificing the confidence that comes with seeing myself fucking hot in my head.
To anyone struggling with this, I would like to share some of the things that helped me.
Look at pictures of yourself in various stages of undress and naked. Find something in the photo that you like and then look at the photo again as if someone you cared about was the one in the picture and then see how many things you like about it.
Touch your fat places. Touch your belly while your having sex or masturbating. Touch your thighs and your ass. When you are in front of the mirror, touch the parts of yourself that you don’t like, with love and adoration. It helped me to to imagine my body as belonging to someone I was attracted to and finding things about it that I liked.
Take care of yourself. I find that when I fix my hair, put on a touch of make up, wear clothes that compliment my curves… when I’m eating healthy and getting any form of exercise I find that I am much more comfortable with my body. I feel sexier, prettier and way more confident.
Learn to dress with confidence. I am still working on this one. It’s difficult to find clothes that look super cute on bigger bodies but I know it can be done and done so fucking well because I have friends that are the same size as me or bigger and they dress so incredibly cute and sexy. I think every body type can look terrible and unattractive if wrapped in the wrong threads. But there are clothes out there that will make you look and feel amazing and sexy and cute as hell.
Be less critical of others. When I started looking at others through less critical eyes, I began to be able to look at myself through those same eyes and a beautiful thing happened. I started finding more people attractive (both men and women) and I started being able to find things about myself more attractive.
Look at other people with similar body shapes and find things about their bodies that are attractive to you. My initial physical attraction with women is petite women with nice curves, pretty eyes, great smiles, boobs… well, boobs of any size. I like boobs…
What I have found in my effort to find things about people of all shapes and sizes attractive is that I have done just that. I find that if I can find wide hips on another girl pretty, I can find that same pretty in my own hips. The same with my belly, my thighs, etc.
I couldn’t figure out, for a long time, what it was about my body that could possibly turn Daddy on. I am very willing to do just about anything in bed, I’m a little crazy and certainly have a bit of a wild streak. I’m passionate in bed, very wiggly, noisy and expressive. I understood why I was fun to have sex with.
What I couldn’t figure out was how Daddy could stand touching my fat rolls, why he loved kissing all the parts of me that I thought were so gross and unattractive. I couldn’t figure out why he loved having sex with the lights on, where he could see all the imperfections, he could see the rolls bunch up, could see the way my belly looked from all angles even the incredibly unflattering ones.
I didn’t understand it, but look… I know better than to tell a man who obviously adores me and all my imperfections that he should be more particular about finding my flaws. I don’t point out my flaws, I don’t bring them to his attention, I don’t complain about them to him. If he doesn’t see them, I’m sure not going to the one to change that.
So in my curiosity to figure this out, I started looking at myself naked or just in my panties. I mean really looking. I looked at myself in the mirror and made myself touch my belly, I felt the stretch marks there and the softness and I imagined it being the belly of a lover. Would I be as critical? Turns out I wouldn’t. I started finding myself liking the way certain parts of me looked… they way they felt… I started getting comfortable with my body. I started to understand what it was about my body that Daddy loved.
I still have struggles. I still hate clothes shopping especially on a budget. But I’m getting better. It helps that the important men and women in my life love the way I look, the way I feel under their hands. Their adoration makes it easier for me to fall in love with me… all the parts of me.