Consent Done Right

consentmatters16Whistling my favorite song, happily slapping the mortar onto the brightly colored and well glittered bricks that make up the walls that guard my heart. Gleefully stacking them haphazardly atop each other between posting lines from my naughty stories and my thoughts on sex and submission and even a naughty picture or ten. Giggling along in my safe little corner of the cyber world, or playing with my friends and flirting with all the sexxies.

consentmatter-wallMortared brick in hand, stopped mid stack, my attention caught by a sexy Dominant thought posted by a sexy Dominant man. It was not directed at me, this thought, but it set my inner subbie to tingling. Hmmm…. Curious now, I continue watching as I lay the new brick crookedly across the wall. The wall is all the way up to my knees now… bigger than it’s ever been. Wiping a glittered hand across my brow, I survey the work I’ve done.  Happy with what I see, I skip to my pile of bricks and snatch up the next one to be added to the wall. Well, it’s really more of a hedge, I suppose… but better than no wall at all.

Applying the mortar distractedly to the bricks and stacking them just as nilly willy, as I watch the timeline scroll by. His words catch my attention again. OH! It would appear that I’ve caught his attention as well. {silly girl grins} Well, now… this could get interesting. Brick dropped, wall building forgotten, I gladly busy myself with fun, flirty conversation. We chat in the public timeline the better part of all day. Never once does he ask for a photo. He doesn’t assume that because I identify as a sub I will kneel for him and not once in the conversation does he command me to yield to his dominance. Honestly, he barely ever even mentions it but I can feel it radiating through every word he types, every action he takes. I have to admit, I’m intrigued. It’s so refreshing! Sitting criss cross applesauce in my rainbow tutu and don’t fuck with the princess tank top, my back supported by my… well, my hedge, I watch him some more.

He engages many submissives in fun and flirty conversations. Never once does he assert his dominance over them. Never once does he command them, task them, assign pet names to them. He speaks of responsible dominance. He engages other dominants without ever taking his dick out for the dick measuring contest so many dom wannabes insist on engaging in. He is respectful. He is flirty. He is fun. He is fucking sexy as hell and he has thoroughly captivated my attention. He has not asserted his dominance over me in any real, tangible way but the way he carries himself… the way he speaks… the words he uses, have me imagining what it might be like if he were to direct that dominant attention my way.

We flirt. We chat. We engage each other and those around us in conversations about everything from the weather to coffee service to some very naughty sexual acts. He never once pops into my private messages. He does not assert his dominance directly. He talks of devotion and mastery. He speaks in 140 character lessons of self awareness and the brotherhood dominant men should share. He talks of always deepening your knowledge of your role in the BDSM lifestyle and becoming a better dom or a better sub. He speaks of the value of submissives and the beauty of submission. He believes in the importance of safe, sane and consensual and lives that belief. His character and integrity are evident in every message, in every conversation, in the very air surrounding him. I am compelled.

My curiosity gets the best of me and I invade his private messages. I am so curious about him and the way he thinks. I want to know more. He is happy to engage me in a private chat and my insatiable curiosity goes to work picking his brain. Our chats get a little more personal away from the eyes of others. He learns about me, asking very safe questions and listening intently to my responses. He allows me to ask questions, he answers openly and honestly, baring a small slice of his life to me. He remains consistently respectful. Several conversations in and he still has not asked for a picture, has not asked for personal information, has not attempted to task me, direct me, command me. He has not referred to me as his or assumed that just because I identify as submissive that I want to be his submissive.

There is a nice little chemistry building between us and my trust level grows with every conversation. I find myself opening more and more to him, seeking him out for advice, interested in his opinion. He seeks me out for the same and within a few days we are seeking each other out just to be in each other’s company. My inner submissive starts taking the bricks out of the wall, slowly. His inner dominant responds to my unguarded spirit, undeniably drawn to it. His dominant nature begins to reveal itself as does my submissive one, but still he remains undemanding of me directly. He spins scenarios for me to consider, situations for me to think through. But, the lines remain uncrossed.

Who is this man? Why can’t more men who claim to be dominant be more like him? He is compelling, intriguing, enthralling.

Then one day the conversation turns. The stars align just right, the planets line up and there is a subtle shift in the tone of our chatting. My submissive spirit is in ubersubby mode and his need to dominate is clawing him from the inside out. There is no more space left in our souls to dance around the need and fire that has been building between us. Our two spirits slam into each other in that safe place where the groundwork has been laid over the past few months,  in a conversation that quickly spirals, leading us down a new path and into a place we haven’t yet dared to venture. Even in this place filled with heat and need, he navigates carefully, skillfully handling us both with a control that astounds me.

The glittery bricks lay strewn helter skleter, the wall that was barely a hedge anyway has been scattered into pieces over the course of our conversations. With nothing left between us but need, I ask… I ask him to exert his authority. I ask him to take control, even if just for the moment. I ask for his dominance. He responds with his own questions… he asks me if I will yield to him. He asks me if I will kneel for him. He asks if I will complete tasks for him. He asks me what is ok and what is not okay. He asks me to share with him my boundaries, my hard and soft limits. He ASKS for my consent to be dominated, my consent to be tasked, to be given orders, to be held to his high expectations.  He doesn’t just ask for my consent, he absolutely insists upon my ability to coherently express my request for his dominance.

He tells me in clear, concise and unquestionable terms what he will expect. He leaves no doubt as to what I would be getting myself into. He demands honesty, vulnerability, obedience. He expresses what I can expect from him and where his boundaries are drawn, where his limitations will be reached. He explains that nothing less than enthusiastic, fully understood consent will be acceptable to him and that we will go not one word, not one step further without it.

The words are out now, crackling with need and desire, in the air between us. The offer made from both sides. All that’s left is consent. He must consent to the responsibilities of becoming my Dominant, to putting in the time, attention and creativity required. I must consent to the letting go, to the obedience, to the time and attention that is required to be his submissive.

Without this double sided consent, we are doing nothing more than a little harmless roleplay, living out a sexy, fun little fantasy across the miles. Consent creates the dynamic. Consent is the secret password that opens the door and takes our heat and connection to the next level. Consent makes a difference. Consent matters.



** This post is a compilation of my experiences, friendships and conversations with the strong dominant men in my life, online and off. It is inspired by many conversations with many different types of people and reading many stories and writings by those who actively live this lifestyle. It touches on my personal responses, desires and experiences and carries those responses one step further to way I imagine things could happen under the right circumstances. **


The Kinklings Week 5: Consent. Love to write? Come write with us >> HERE <<

2 thoughts on “Consent Done Right

  1. This is an excellent description on what true consent means. It isn’t JUST the consent of the submissive to let the Dominant have their way with them, or to do “whatever they say,” a one time acquiescence that gives carte blanch to the Dominant unless the relationship ends. Consent is an ongoing exchange between parties, and it isn’t just the submissive who has to consent to everything done. Dominants must exercise their own right to consent, to say “YES, I consent to taking the responsibility for giving you what you need that I can and want to give” OR to say “NO, I do NOT consent to doing A, B, and C.” The submissive may be the more obviously vulnerable party, but Dominating another person holds its own vulnerabilities. The vulnerability of failing to be “creative enough”, or to go too far and accidentally injure the submissive, whether through an act of commission or of omission. Just because someone agreed to Dominate you, doesn’t mean they are consenting to, for example, have sex with you, or perform sexual acts that you enjoy but that they do not. Just like a submissive isn’t automatically submissive to just anyone, a Dominant isn’t automatically responsible for taking control in every situation with every submissive. A Dominant being married to or having a submissive in his relationship doesn’t mean that they are HIS submissive, and that doesn’t mean that he is less Dominant; it just that he has not consented to Dominate that submissive, or the submissive has not consented to BEING Dominated by him. BOTH parties must consent not just to the relationship, but to all activities done within that dynamic. Far too often, the Dominant is seen as the only one possible of violating consent. This writing clearly demonstrates that this is not so. The “Him” in this writing has to consent to that responsibility; that is why he asks questions, to make sure he desires to consent to them with you. An excellent example of, as the title of this writing says, “consent done right”.

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