A few years ago I read a book for a girl I followed on Twitter. She was asking her followers to read and review the book. Her name is Sadie Smythe and the book is called “Open All the Way“. I haven’t re-read the book. I only remember bits and pieces of it, like any book I read. What I do remember clearly about the book was thinking, “Oh! Wow! Here is something that Trble and I could make work.” (This all happened before the Daddy/princess thing).
See, the thing is that neither of us is very good at monogamy. Turns out, we’re just not built for it. We decided before we ever officially got together that we would be swingers. When we started out in swinging, we had three simple rules.
1. We don’t play alone. No separation at all. We play together, in the same room and both of us had veto power if we just weren’t feeling the vibe from a potential playmate.
2. Don’t fall in love with playmates. Pretty self explanatory and actually pretty funny when you think about it. Like we can control who we fall in love with.
3. Never go back alone. Another simple one. No going back to play with playmates without both of us going.
We figured the less complicated the rules, the better. Fourteen years later, I still think that is an excellent place to start… the place of less complicated. The problem was that neither of us had ever engaged in this sort of relationship. Not that it was really a problem, only that because of that we didn’t realize that those rules would be bent six way to Sunday over the course of our lives. So, without even realizing it, we started our relationship with our toes nudging the door of openness in the form of swinging. All these years later, the door has only opened farther.
Coming from a marriage where my husband’s jealousy ruled our lives and his one day it’s ok, one day it’s not attitude made it impossible to do any real exploring, I was always waiting for the jealousy to kick in when Daddy and I played with others. It never really did. Which allowed me the freedom and courage to explore and become more comfortable with allowing other people to be a part of our sex life. It took me a lot of years to really become comfortable in my bi-sexuality, to become the pursuer of pretty girls, but the strength of our core relationship, our communication and our acceptance of each other’s wants and needs fostered that discovery.
Since I first introduced the idea of opening our marriage versus just being swingers (though I didn’t really realize that’s what I was suggesting at the time), we have traveled a very, very, VERY bumpy road of self discovery to bring us to this place where we are now.
In the past month…
❥ We have had our first MFM threesome
❥ We have attended our first real swingers party with four very sexy friends.
❥ Z and I very officially became boyfriend / girlfriend — naked and giggling in his bed, I asked him to be my boyfriend and he asked me to be his girlfriend and we both said yes, with the silliest smiles on our faces — see, all official and stuff 😛
❥ We have gone on our first double date. Me and my boyfriend. Daddy and his favorite bunneh.
❥ We have opened discussion of a possible poly family with two of our very best friends.
❥ Daddy has discovered a love for primal play and found a beautiful partner and handler to engage in it with him.
❥ Daddy and the pretty girl primal top have been discussing the possibility of a D/bg dynamic and I have opened discussions with her sexy husband, G, and his pretty brown-eyed girl for playtime between he and I and the five of us have been talking about what lies ahead for all of us, for sexual play, for possible sceneing, and individual dynamics that may develop.
❥ We have a six ways to Sunday date next Saturday night. Daddy and his new babygirl/primal partner. Me and my boyfriend. G and his pretty brown-eyed girl.
❥ Daddy bottomed for sensual play (wax) for the first time ever on Sunday, topped by the sexy bunneh.
❥ We have both gone on several dates with other people alone, a couple of which included sexual activity.
❥ We have learned new ways of communicating with each other and how to effectively negotiate limits and boundaries for the new relationships developing.
❥ We have opened discussion and laid the foundation for me to be able to develop a D/s dynamic with someone other than Daddy, should the opportunity arise.
❥ We have discovered that we quite enjoy finding bruises and bite marks on each other’s skin left by our lovers.
❥ I have cuddled, quite happily, with a sexy man (G) and his pretty baby girl while Daddy and said sexy man’s wife were in another room together… doing, well… who knows what… we don’t know, we were otherwise occupied *grins*
❥ We’ve had more nitty gritty hard as fuck conversations than we’ve ever had before but we’ve had them with more honesty, more openness and less drama than we’ve ever had them before.
❥ We’ve agreed that there has been no other time in our 14 years together when we have been this ridiculously happy or content with who we are as individuals and who we are as a couple.
It is a little surreal looking back over the past month, but it truly has been incredible. This is our life. It is filled with people who we adore and who adore us. We are doing things that make us ridiculously happy… things that would make some people question our sanity, I’m sure. But, our happiness is all that matters and right now, THAT is overflowing in our lives.
For the first time, maybe in all my life, I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be… doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing… and that I am LIVING my life exactly how I want to live it. It’s not easy. There are still bumps. There are still moments when one or more of us want to go scrambling up the freak out tree. These things aren’t going to go away… honestly, they will probably increase as more people are added to our lives, as the ones that are already here shift and change and become whatever the moment calls for them to be. I had a feeling that this would work for us. I can’t imagine ever trying to go back to the way it was. I love the freedom, the safety, the happy and the fulfillment of living our lives filled with people who understand how this works, people who know how to effectively communicate and who happily share in the joy and happiness of those who they love.