Found on a friend’s blog, I think this might make for interesting writing opportunities. So, here we go!
30 days of truth:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself
I try really hard to be keep thoughts about myself very positive and clear of any self hate. But something I do not like about myself is my tendency to self-sabotage and to underestimate my importance in the lives of the people I care about.
Self sabotage takes many forms in my life and it has taken me years and years to be able to see it when it is happening and stop it. From justifying eating something sweet and full of calories when I’ve been doing really well on a weight loss goal, to procrastinating and hehawing around a project for work until it’s either destroyed or only a fraction as good as it could have been. Finding excuses not to communicate or talk to people who I love and think are so important ends up ruining friendships and relationships.
I’m not sure when, exactly, I started underestimating my importance to the lives of the people I care about… undervaluing myself… but it happens quite often now. I will really like someone, be totally into developing a friendship or a relationship with them but completely unable to see, to feel, to know if they feel the same way or even why they might and so I end up talking myself out of developing that friendship or relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever been the kind of person who thought too highly of themselves, but I’ve always been confident in my knowledge that the people I am drawn too in life, were drawn to me in the same way. Lately though I find myself questioning that all the time. And that is very bothersome.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
I’m pretty friendly with myself so this one isn’t too difficult.
Something I love about myself is that I strive every day to look for the positive in people, situations, circumstances, experiences, etc. I can see the bad, I can feel the negative. But, I leave that alone and look for the good. I want to see hope. I need to see the good intentions and potential in people. I want to learn the lessons the experience has to teach, glean from each person who touches my life, what they were brought to my path for me to learn.
I love to be a bright spot in people’s day. I’m always complimenting people, strangers even. One of my friends once described me as the girl whose smile is always only a breath away and so easily brought to the surface. That may be my favorite description of me that I’ve ever heard.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I’m struggling a little with this one. I have always believed in living my life in such a way as to have no regrets. It was a lot easier when I was younger and had less kids and less… life.
There are a couple of things I could forgive myself for, that maybe I truly haven’t so far. Failing in my first marriage causing my oldest two sons to be raised in separate households in separate cities, which they struggled with and which changed the men who they grew up to be. It also was the source of me missing a lot of time with them over the last five years and their dad missing a lot of time with them over the seven years prior to that.
Beginning college like seven times but never finishing. I always thought I would graduate college, have a wildly successful career and eventually get married and have babies. Life had different plans and try as I might, I never did get through college.
There is one other. I won’t discuss that one here. Far too personal.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
I am a firm believer that holding onto unforgiveness is poison to your soul and does no damage to the other person. I’m not necessarily saying that I’ll be friends with people who hurt me or that by forgiving them, their trespasses are unwritten in my own personal little book of life, but I cannot spend my life holding onto hurts, to hate, to the negativity those things bring. Because of that, I don’t have anything to add to this one… I’ve done my forgiving already.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Oh wow… I could write a book on this one. I am girl with lots and lots of dreams, so there are lots and lots of answers to this one. But I’ll limit it to one or two of the really important ones.
Professionally: I’d really, really love to see my little business become a success. Because I’ve never been in business for myself before, sometimes it’s hard for me to picture myself successful but I am beginning to see glimmers of what it looks like and more specifically what it could look like for me. That is pretty exciting.
Personally: The main thing I want to accomplish with my life on a personal level is to leave the world better than I found it. I want to touch lives with my light and happiness. I want to leave people better than I found them. I want to be a blessing in the lives of the people whose paths I cross. I hope to have instilled this desire in my children so that as they grow up they want to do the same.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
This one is simple. I hope to never have to bury any of my children. No parent should ever have to do that.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
My husband and kids. I know it’s very cliche’ but it’s the truth. Would I be living if I hadn’t found him or had them… yes, but they make my life so wonderful that I am thankful every day for each one of them. They brings smiles to my face when I am sad and remind me always that I have done some good with my life.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
My ex-husband did both regularly for the last 21 years. May 30, 2014 was one of the happiest days of my life. My second oldest son graduated and was already 18 so that was the last day I ever truly had to say a single word to the man.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
There are quite a few of these people in my life. I tend to believe in not holding on too tightly in relationships… not forcing them to be something when they are not. I like to let my friendships and relationships be whatever they are or whatever they will become, even if that means that they become nothing more than a memory. What I have found in doing this is that the relationships/friendships are stronger. I’ve also found that while they may drift into quiet phases they often drift back into active relationships/friendships over time.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
I really don’t keep people in my life who are toxic. I don’t currently have anyone who I need to let go of that I am holding on too. I believe everyone comes into your life for a reason so there isn’t anyone I wish I didn’t know. Good, bad or otherwise… everyone comes for a reason, a blessing or a lesson.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Probably my eyes and my hair. I am not one of those girls who is always complaining about their hair. I actually really like mine, even with all the work it takes to keep it long. On Fetlife, it’s probably my ass, but that’s because that’s mostly what’s on my fetlife profile and from what I’ve been told it’s very spankable 😉
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
My badassery. I truly dislike confrontation and avoid it whenever I can. I’m not one to jump right in and tell someone off or get physical with someone. I do not engage in acts of bravery or extreme dare devilism. No one ever says to me… dang, girl… you are a bad ass bitch. lol.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
I can’t think of a single band or artist that has gotten me through anything specific, but music has saved my soul a time or two… of that I am certain. I can’t imagine a day without music. Music soothes me. It can deepen my melancholy mood or lighten it depending on which playlist I choose. Depending on the song, I can be transported back to a totally different day and age and memories flash behind my eyes with so many songs.
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
I don’t really think I have an answer to this one. I’ve had lots of people let me down in my life, but I’m pretty choosy about who I deem a hero and none that immediately come to mind have ever let me down. I think that says a lot. Either I choose really great heroes or I’m just really hard to disappoint. Either way, I think it’s good!
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Socializing. I am a people person. I feed off the energy of the people around me. I need people and social activities like I need breath.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
ay 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.