Today is my anniversary.
It was a year ago today that I went on my very first alone date.
It started back in February of 2014. This really great guy with a really great profile pic commented on a few of my photos and then responded in a very gentlemanly way to the fetmail I sent him. He and I had been talking for several months, as friends, when Daddy and I finally came to a place where he felt like he was ready for me to have more of the freedoms that I had been asking for. When he found out that I could date he asked how he could go about getting a date with me and then he did the most awesome thing. He did all the things. He met us both. He asked face to face, man to man to take me on a date. He did all the things Daddy had asked that the guy who I dated, do. It was seriously one of the most amazing things ever.
We spent four hours together on that first date, sitting across from each other in that quiet little restaurant booth talking about everything and nothing while the rain poured down outside. We didn’t even hold hands but every moment of those four hours was filled with smiles and flirting and the vibrant happy anticipation of what might happen. There wasn’t even a kiss goodbye, only the promise that good things come to those who wait (and that first kiss was soooo worth the wait).
It was an excellent way to spend my first date in this shiny new open / poly lovestyle that mine and Daddy’s relationship had evolved into.
We started with public group settings. There were at least two munches, I think, and a dungeon visit before that first lunch. We graduated from munches to lunch dates, which quickly became all day long dates and sometimes into the evening, come to my house for dinner dates, and then there were BBQ’s and zombie killing game nights with the tribe, and group date munches, and play parties, and double date nights where he was my date and one of Daddy’s girls was Daddy’s date. That graduated into night dates… like just the two of us alone on a date at night, night dates! And then alone kink event dates! And from there came the talks about maybe we can all discuss the possibilities of a D/s dynamic between him and me and there were even a few overnights squeezed in before the end of that relationship finally, really came a few weeks ago.
What an amazing year it was. Besides my first, real external relationship, we also found our tribe. With all these new relationship dynamics there were so many opportunities for growth and change and holy shit did we ever grow and change. In the last year, I found my voice again and started asking for things I wanted. I fought for them, stood up for them even when it was hard and even when it hurt and even when it shook the hell out of the proverbial boat. I stopped going along to get along. I pushed for growth and change and fairness. I made choices I had never made before and discovered new things I loved.
I fell in love and felt acutely all the highs and all the lows that go with that. I went through my first break up since my divorce from my first husband 15 years ago. (and just in case anyone might be wondering… breaking up really fucking sucks, but it is part of this dating and loving thing we do sometimes… the bad with the good and all that, I suppose)
I found a love of rope and rough body play. I developed a knowledge of and love for energy play. I discovered that many of my hard limits were softer than I had ever thought. I discovered how important it is to be honest and say what you mean in all of your relationships. I learned to be a better, more conscientious partner. I learned more about communicating in the last year than I maybe have in all 39 of the years that preceded it.
I figured out many of the things I need in my partners and I determined the boundaries of my own, personal emotional bandwidth. I learned so much about myself… what I want and what I need and what I have to offer.
I learned that my heart was full to bursting and overflowing with joy with my two special men and my tribe loving on me and letting me love on them. I found a whole mess of new happy places and made memories I will forever cherish.
It’s been a hell of a year. I wouldn’t trade one minute of it for all the riches in the world and I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.